I had a job and I was going to Nevada and now I don’t, and I’m not.

There was this big string of paragraphs here, about my reasons, and my feelings.  But I really just want to listen to the R5 album or something, okay?  Some Miranda Lambert?  We broke 70 degrees today for I think the first time this year.  I took my first exam this morning.  I am doing both fine and terrible.  That’s all.

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Screen shot 2014-04-09 at 4.30.40 PM

This is what I took away from the ACMs: an appreciation for Kacey Musgraves’ blue eyeshadow and…what else?

Eric Church did “Give Me Back My Hometown.” I wasn’t blogging back when his album came out but you can only imagine the kind of unhinged stuff I might have written, because I love “Give Me Back My Hometown.” LOVE IT. Take all my blood out and replace it with “Give Me Back My Hometown.” I have been reading a lot of young-adult novels about small towns and desperation, I have been thinking a lot about the way a life will close you in its fists. How this is good and bad, the difference between being trapped and being attached, “Give Me Back My Hometown” is the best song, weep to it forever.

I am still BURNING WITH THE INJUSTICE of Darius Rucker getting a hit out of an Old Crow Medicine Show song.  OCMS is from my valley.  Hometowns.  Hometown pride.  “Carry Me Back to Virginia.”  I hope Ketch Secor’s getting sick residuals from this.

And my body of work on Florida Georgia Line continues to grow and grow, I swear three years from now I will be a preeminent FGL scholar, if only because no one is thinking about them this hard.  One day I am going to write a really great essay about Florida Georgia Line.  Not today, probably.

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I got a job: I’m going to Nevada for a few months.

Maybe by next year it will be a cliche for me to say ‘guess what, I am temporarily employed somewhere far away.’  And it’s not like I didn’t look at more normal jobs, jobs in my hometown, but this was the first one that I was offered.  It met both of my requirements (paying money and being related to my degree), so I took it.

And I’ve never been to Nevada.

And what is next year, anyway?  I feel so lucky that I can worry about next year.  I feel so lucky that after all this time my heart, which I imagine to be such a crumbly, blackened thing, is still beating in my chest, that my brain’s okay and my body’s doing fine and in four weeks I’ll be home and in six I’ll be across the country.  And one day I’ll fall into another hole and climb out of it and it will be painful and endless like it always is.  Things last forever and then they end.


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no throughline here

I started watching The Good Wife in January because, whatever, January?  I get bored.  I watch a lot of stuff.  I was from the beginning completely won over by Julianna Marguiles’ face.  And, as someone who habitually makes over-the-top faces to make people laugh and distract from my actual features, I love a character who has such self-control over her expressions.  She does so much with so little melodrama.  I guess this is what they call ‘acting.’

I wish there were more teen heist movies.  Or any at all?  Probably I should write a screenplay.

My best email draft right now is just the words “meek mill mike will mac miller mack wilds.”

I want the Naked 3 palette because I want to be the kind of person who has a face that is not just for comedy, but I don’t have 60 dollars to spend on eyeshadow, and I don’t have 60 dollars to spend on Taylor Swift Keds, and I don’t have 30 dollars to spend on a beanie that says “CLIQUE” on it–

But I do have twelve dollars to go see Betty Who in a couple weeks, so that’s cool.

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some updates

things that I care about that you certainly do not:

  • the K-mart in Harrisonburg is closing; heartbreaking
  • I haven’t seen the Canning skunk since last year
  • “You know I’ll buy you that Chanel, right?”
  • I want to skip my last bio lab but I don’t want to make my lab partner count all those fruit flies alone
  • Quebec election fast approaching
  • writing cover letters is haaaard
  • I don’t love broad city but I am all in on hannibal buress
  • had a dream that a possum attacked me and I killed it with my bare hands
    • it was horrifying
    • maybe more horrifying than any nightmare I’ve ever had
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Imagine that here, right here, is a paragraph about how I used to live my life in nostalgia and now I hardly ever think about the past.  Up to you to decide if that’s because of sadness, or because I’d rather think about eyeshadow nowadays, or both, or neither.

Here is a paragraph about fear and uncertainty.  The point is that I’m scared; I’m scared most of the time.

This is part of a poem: “breaks hearts/and it’s a disaster.”

Here is a great song: Allie X, “Prime

This is a picture of all the lipsticks I cleared out of my backpack just now.  Clearly I have been wearing a lot of Revlon.  Would not say no to a sponsorship deal.

Photo on 2014-03-25 at 22.21 #2

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hi again

It’s almost April, nonexistent readers!  Spring is here, in theory at least!  Here are some bullets of what happened while I was away:

  • I found out that IHOP has chicken and waffles on their menu
  • got some new lipstick
  • spent spraaaaaang breaaaaaak in the library
  • I’m angry like I’m 18 again
  • winter I guess
  • fell so hard for a Cody Simpson song (“No Ceiling”!!!)
  • young-adult novel appreciation life
  • data-hunted all the department of the interior agency websites
  • haha have to come back to college in the fall
  •     still don’t have a summer job
  •         permanent low-grade panic
  • started breeding fruit flies in bio lab, a much more acute panic
  • bought an antenna + dtv converter to watch the olympics
  • watched a million hours of olympics
  • high-pitched keening noises w/r/t the veronica mars movie
  • dreaming of buying an ice cream maker
  • there are commercials for coffee crisp that call it a “canadian nice light snack” which I love
  • and
  • I don’t feel so sad now
  • but I think it might be time to admit
  • that even at my most emotionally stable
  • I am still the kind of person
  • who will start crying over a pop song
  • while walking to class.
  • here is a picture I took yesterday through the door to my balcony.
  • DSC01158
  • that’s all
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